i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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