I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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