I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize