Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
