just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
