We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
