At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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