My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
