Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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