he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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