Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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