i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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