i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
