Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
