You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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