He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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