ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
