I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
