You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
