mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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