i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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