A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
