I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
