Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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