I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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