OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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