I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
