you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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