everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
