saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
