Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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