The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
