I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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