Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
