i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
