My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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