Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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