No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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