I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
