fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize