he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
