When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
