ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
did i just pee glitter
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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