I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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I think I sprained my soul last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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