all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
