He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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