i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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