but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
