I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
