Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
