I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
