Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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