Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
