we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
