Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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