my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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