Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
