oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
