So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
wow bdsm is so cute
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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