some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
