Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize