i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
